The following comments and cautions have been compiled based on discussions with people who have had experience with the beit din system in the context of Jewish divorce.

1. If one is seriously contemplating divorce a consultation with a matrimonial attorney is strongly recommended prior to undertaking any divorce action or related steps, including, going to a beit din or establishing another residence. If financial constraints would prevent one from obtaining a private attorney, in New York, call the New York Legal Assistance Group (NYLAG) at 212-750-0800 for a consultation. In other communities, contact local social service agencies to ascertain the availability of free or low cost attorney services.

2. It is wrong for either party to use a Get for leverage in divorce proceedings. As soon as it becomes clear that there will be no reconciliation, the Get should be written and delivered to the woman so that it cannot be used as a bargaining tool in financial or custody negotiations.

3. When someone is told that a woman refused to accept a Get, the listener must question whether and why the Get may have been refused prior to determining that the woman is simply recalcitrant. There may be valid reasons for a woman to refuse a Get. (See FAQs Section II:7.) One should refrain from premature judgments and gossip.

4. We recommend the signing of a Jewish pre-nuptial agreement. There are different pre-nuptial agreements available and rabbis have different positions as to which pre-nuptial agreements are acceptable. Several weeks prior to the marriage ceremony, ask your rabbi to show you the form he proposes to use. If the rabbi performing your wedding will not use a pre-nuptial agreement, we suggest that you think seriously about whether or not to work with him.

You should review your pre-nuptial agreement with someone who can explain its language, and the legal and the halakhic ramifications. It is preferable that the agreement be signed prior to the wedding day.

While a pre-nuptial agreement is not a guarantee against extortion through the Get process, it has been found to help prevent it. The more widely it is used, the more effective it will be. Although individual couples may feel they do not personally need it, all who sign it do so for the good of the community.

5. In the United States, each state has its own rules as to the content and execution of pre-nuptial agreements. In many jurisdictions, the document must be notarized for it to be enforceable. Consult with a local attorney to determine what is required for a Jewish pre-nuptial agreement to be valid and enforceable in your state. Also check with the local beit din to determine whether such changes in your pre-nuptial agreement are halakhically acceptable. If necessary, ask a dayyan to help you work out acceptable wording and procedure.

6. A Get must be written and reviewed by a qualified beit din or it may be invalid.

7. Names are very important in a Get. A Get issued by or to a person using an incorrect name is VOID. Be sure to provide the beit din with your full name and the full name of your father and be sure to verify the spelling of every name. It is advisable to check your ketubbah or a copy of it for reference to ensure that the names in the Get are complete and correct. If a party referenced in the ketubbah is known in the community by another name or a nickname, these names too should be provided in writing to the beit din and should appear in the Get.

8. A hazmanah should never be ignored. When summoned, you must respond. A seruv can be issued against a party who fails to appear in the beit din after being summoned three times and sanctions may be applied to that person. If you do not want your case litigated in the beit din issuing the summons, ask to have another beit din hear the case, and come prepared with the names of alternative batei din. In the event that you and your spouse cannot agree on a beit din, a zabla beit din may have to be convened.

9. A husband who does not want to grant a Get may use stalling tactics such as attempting to delay the issuance of hazmanot or moving to change the beit din immediately prior to the issuance of a seruv in order to prolong the Jewish divorce proceeding. If the initiating party wants to put an end to the delay, he/she can request that the beit din issue a seruv. If the beit din will not issue a seruv, the party may request that a zabla beit din be formed. (See FAQs Section III:9.) When choosing to go to a zabla beit din, one must weigh the consequences of going to an ad hoc beit din or not obtaining a Get.

10. Before deciding whether to go to a particular beit din, that beit din should be interviewed extensively about such matters as the timing of hazmanot and its practices with respect to seruv. Some courts will not issue a seruv even though they say they do. Try to determine under what circumstances this might happen. Keep in mind that a beit din may reserve the right to diverge from its own written rules and procedures.

11. No woman should attend a beit din by herself. Even if the woman initiates the divorce, she needs support. Attending a beit din session and/or receiving the Get itself are very emotional experiences.

12. A litigant should exercise caution about what he/she reveals to his/her rabbi because it has not yet been established to what extent communications with a rabbi are considered privileged in either a civil court or a beit din. Women, in particular, must use caution in revealing details of their marital intimacy or mental state as some rabbis may feel that they have an affirmative duty to reveal this information to a beit din or husband and the information may then be used against the woman. Although there may be reasons to have a third party present when consulting with a rabbi about a divorce, be aware that the presence of a third party may destroy any privilege that attaches to the communication. Speak to your attorney about this issue.

13. We ask rabbis to act in good faith towards their congregants. If you, as a rabbi, feel that under certain circumstances you may have to break a confidence with a woman, you should make that clear with specificity both at the outset of your interaction, and, if necessary, during the course of your conversation. If necessary, please refer her to a licensed mental health professional.

14. We recommend that a woman who needs counseling seek the services of a licensed mental health professional. Please speak to an attorney about whether, and to what extent, the law in your state protects the confidentiality of your communication with a mental health professional.

15. One should be aware that a beit din may require individuals seeking a divorce to undergo counseling with a rabbi, even if they have already been in counseling with a licensed mental health professional. If, after undergoing counseling with a rabbi, one concludes that the marriage is not viable, they should inform the beit din of the measures they have taken to promote shalom bayit, which were unable to mend the marriage.

16. If a rabbi is helping to arrange your Get, do not let him make commitments on your behalf without your prior approval. It is a good idea to put this request in writing in the form of a cordial letter. When discussing your available options with a rabbi, and his recommendations, make sure that you have a full understanding of all commitments that you are making and their ramifications.

17. Unfortunately, some toanim are corrupt and/or untrustworthy. Rabbis of integrity often refuse to serve on a beit din when toanim are appearing. Some toanim have been known to take bribes from spouses, offer bribes to dayyanim and switch their representation from one client to the other. Be very careful if you hire a to'en. You must investigate carefully to find out if he is honest and reliable. Similarly, some dayyanim are known to be corrupt. Rabbis of integrity often refuse to serve on a zabla beit din when such dayyanim are participating.

18. Determine if the beit din you intend to use requires you to sign a shtar berurin, a binding arbitration agreement, which may give the beit din authority over the giving of the Get, as well as over child custody and financial matters. Some batei din require parties to sign a shtar berurin before they hear a case; others suggest but do not require such an agreement. If a husband requests a shtar berurin, some batei din will require it. Some women have regretted signing a shtar berurin, particularly with regard to issues of child custody, because custody issues continue to remain open to the scrutiny of the beit din during the entire minority of the child. Unfortunately, a woman is often faced with the choice between signing a shtar berurin or foregoing a Get.

19. You need not submit to the beit din that first receives your case. You should always find out about the practices of any beit din before consenting to its jurisdiction.

20. One need not simhply accept responses like ?it's the halakha,? or ? it's d'oraita ? (Biblically originated Jewish law). This answer is not always fully dispositive of the issue in question. Variations in Jewish law do exist and you should try to inform yourself about them. You may respectfully ask your rabbi or others for explanation of the halakhic issue in question.

21. When speaking to a beit din or to'en, be respectful, but firmly assert your position. You may always ask for time to check issues that are unclear to you or statements that seem inaccurate.

22. Sometimes one of the parties may try to have ex parte (private) communication with the beit din. One should request from the beit din that all parties be informed of any communication the other party has with the beit din.

23. If a parent is guilty of abusing his/her children and the beit din wants to grant that parent custody, the other parent should ask the beit din to have the situation reviewed by a mental health professional. Be prepared to submit the name of a mental health professional who is acceptable to you. It may be helpful to find someone conversant with Jewish law. If the beit din has someone they wish to consult, ask for time to investigate that person's credentials. If you suspect that your spouse may be guilty of abuse and/or neglect, you should speak with an attorney well versed in family law about alerting the proper authorities.

24. Often, a beit din's fee exceeds the amount initially quoted to the litigants. Most batei din have sliding scales for parties who cannot afford the beit din's regular fees. Some cities have Hebrew free loan societies that will lend people money to pay for a Get.

25. If a man is given a heter me'ah rabbanim by a rabbinic court, he must deposit a valid Get with the beit din. If a woman decides to accept a Get that had been deposited when that beit din issued a heter me'ah rabbanim for her husband, she must be sure to bring someone to verify that the Get has been properly executed.

26. If a woman decides to stay in a marriage where there may be grounds for kiddushei ta'ut because her rabbi or parents asked her to remain in the marriage to see if the situation would change, she should take precautions to ensure that her decision will not be used against her at a later date. She should secure a promise from her rabbi that her good faith attempts were solicited, and will not be viewed as an acceptance of the flaw if she later determines she wants the marriage voided. A document should be drafted and signed that reflects this promise. Be aware that such a letter or even a rabbi's statement may not bear weight with some batei din.

27. Beit Din L'Inyenei Agunot (Rabbi Rackman's beit din) deals only in matters of iggun and only with difficult cases. All litigants are interviewed first by the members of Agunah International, Inc., which may try to resolve the case and, if possible, find another beit din to write a Get. When, upon examination by the dayyanim, they make a finding that the marriage meets the criteria of "mistaken marriage," they apply the principal of kiddushei ta'ut to void the marriage. The majority of Orthodox rabbis will not officiate at the marriage of a woman who had her previous marriages voided through this beit din.

28. Although other methods of dissolution may be available, a Get is the preferred way to end a Jewish marriage. Most batei din, when possible, will try to secure a Get before considering any alternative options. Be aware that some batei din will not consider alternative means to dissolve a marriage.

29. For additional information about the Get procedure, visit the Rabbinical Council of America web site, www.bethdin.org. Their brochure, ?Explaining Jewish Divorce,? can be obtained by calling the Beth Din of America at (212) 807-9042.

This guidebook is not intended to replace consultation with a rabbi or an attorney, nor is it intended to give legal or halakhic advice.

JOFA does not assume any responsibility for actions taken by any person as a result of information in this Guidebook.

The inclusion of a beit din in the Comparison Grid does not constitute and should not be viewed as an endorsement by JOFA.